Awards

People with honorary awards are looked upon with disfavor. Would you let an honorary mechanic fix your brand-new Mercedes?
— Neil Simon

God will not look you over for medals, degrees or diplomas, but for scars.
— Elbert Hubbard

Let us now praise famous men, and our fathers that begat us.
— Ecclesiasticus 44:1

Only mediocrity can be trusted to be always at its best.
— Max Beerbohm

Whenever the occasion arose, he rose to the occasion.
— Jonathan Brown, on Diego Velazquez

“Sayings”

One does not give a gift without a motive.
— West African saying

“Jokes”

I don’t deserve this, but then again, I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either.
— Jack Benny, accepting an award.

Hearing all this praise makes me feel like the soul on Judgment Day who rose, looked at the words on his tombstone, and remarked, “Either I’m in the wrong hole or someone is a terrible liar.”